hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
