Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
