loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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