I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
