did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize