I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry