I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.