Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need a hobby that isn't dick related