Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?