I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
