...so i touched it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
