If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
