I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
