youre lurking in front of me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
