just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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