HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
