After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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