That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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