Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
