Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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