I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
