on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You don't make any sense
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