it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
