It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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