i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
