Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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