Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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