you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
