Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
