just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
