maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
