i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
