remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
