Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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