I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
