we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
