i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
