My underwear smells like fireworks.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
