I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
