areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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