Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
