it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
