Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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