hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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