he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
