Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My cat gives me a boner
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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