i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
