If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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