In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
