I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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