If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
