I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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