i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
