There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
