Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
