I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
