So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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