that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
