She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We are all done wearing pants today
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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