once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
