theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sext me about skeletons
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
