Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
