It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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