Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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